Words at Intermission: Hayley St. James

In the theatre world, it’s rare to find a professional who didn’t start out as a fan. Personally, my childhood bedroom is home to several signed playbills from my teenage years (and somewhere there’s a picture of me in double-polo shirts, both collars popped, giddily grinning next to Audra McDonald at the 110 in the Shade stage door).

But few people in the industry have achieved a level of fandom quite like Hayley St. James. The promising young playwright has spent years attending show after show—often the same show over and over.

“I saw Something Rotten 41 times,” they tell me, “and I spent literally a quarter of 2020 at Emojiland; I was there for a third of its run.”

To some, the idea of seeing a production dozens of times might seem incomprehensible.

Not to Hayley.

“For me, there’s a balance between professional and fan,” they say. “Theatre’s been a huge part of my life, pretty much as long as I can remember. My first real, vivid memory was seeing Cathy Rigby in Peter Pan at the Wang [Theater] when I was four—that was the first theatre I saw. And I was like, ‘wow, I want to do that.’

“I loved performing when I was a kid—in elementary school, middle school—I did all the theatre. By the time I got to high school, I was like, ‘I want to be an actor, and I want to go into musical theatre.’

“And so when it was time to apply to college, I only applied for performance, wherever I applied. Got rejected from everything, took a gap year. I interned at Actors’ Shakespeare Project [in Boston, MA]; I assisted Tina Packer on a production of Henry VIII. It was my first big sort of, like, ‘this is how the industry works!’

“My second time I applied to schools—while I was doing the internship—got rejected from every single one, except for one school. And I was like, ‘well, this is a safety school. I will go. I want to go to college. I want to at least get the experience.’

“So I move to New Jersey and I’m immediately just miserable. The school is not the right fit for me, my mental health is just terrible. By spring break of 2015, I am the most depressed I’ve ever been. But I’m an hour away on New Jersey Transit from New York City. So I go see some theatre.

“I bought a ticket, on a whim, for the first preview of a show called Something Rotten. I know nothing about it, other than there are some actors I like [in it], and this could be fun. And by the end of the show, I just…the show literally saved my life.

“I was so happy. I was like, ‘I need to come back to the show again.’ And the more I kept seeing the show, the more I realized—’this is a show about writing for the theatre…I think I want to write for the theatre.’”

Entranced by Something Rotten, Hayley continued to journey into New York to see the show. Through their numerous visits, they got to know some of the cast members—including actor/playwright John Cariani, whose play Almost, Maine is one of the most frequently produced plays in the country.

“I told him I wanted to go into playwriting,” Hayley tells me, “and he was really excited for me. And we started talking more. By the time I wrote my first one act, I gave him a copy. And he read it and he said ‘I think you actually have a future in this—I think you should just pursue playwriting.’

“He’s just been such a great ally and mentor for me, and I’m really grateful. I mean, it’s nice to have a friend who’s a playwright, who will guide you as a young writer, but the fact that it’s John Cariani—I can’t really comment on how lucky I am. I never take it for granted.

“I reapplied to college for the third time—I was dead-set on going to school in the city. I wanted to go to Marymount Manhattan, applied for playwriting, got in.

“I got to study playwriting in the city where I always knew I really belonged. I got to be surrounded by people who I looked up to, and I got to study—while also seeing all this theatre. And it was just a good environment for me to study and learn and hone my craft.

“I finished classes at the end of December 2019. So beginning of 2020, it’s like, ‘okay, I’m done with college. I can apply for internships, I can write things, I can submit to things…and everything shuts down.”

The COVID-19 pandemic was a hard hit to the entire theatre industry, and Hayley found themselves with the rug pulled out from under them—having only taken a few steps into the post-college world. While it was a major setback, Hayley didn’t let it get them down for long.

“Once the pandemic started, I was like, ‘well, should I treat this as a writer’s retreat?’ It’s kind of how I first approached it.”

Hayley had written a number of plays during their time at Marymount, and had submitted to several play festivals prior to the shutdown. Still, they were surprised to get a call from Michael Urie, actor and producer of the Pride Plays theatre festival; while in-person performances were not allowed, Pride Plays was able to present a virtual festival, and Urie wanted to feature one of Hayley’s plays as a part of the event.

“I’ve just graduated college and I’m already getting an industry reading—that was really unexpected. And in the middle of a pandemic, I’m actually doing something I love, even though my industry is shut down.”

And while the pandemic forced Hayley to move back into their parents’ house in Newton, MA, they received more good news in October, when another of their plays was chosen for a virtual reading.

“The one in June was For Leonora, or, Companions, which is my queer, autistic love story,” they tell me. It kind of straddles that line between theatre for young audiences and theatre for anybody. It has puppetry; it’s very magical and surreal.

“And my play in October was A Godawful Small Affair, which is my quarantine love triangle that also features David Bowie. It’s very intimate and unfiltered, and very much about touch starvation and longing and yearning and relationships in quarantine—how it’s affected us and our relationships with each other.

“My plays are not really autobiographical, but they’re very much from my perspective, my personality, my experiences.”

Hayley’s perspective is one that hasn’t often been explored onstage in the past. A nonbinary lesbian on the autism spectrum, Hayley has lived an experience that most people have not, existing at the intersection of identities that are often misunderstood and misrepresented in mainstream American media.

“As someone who is trans, representation for us in the media is so often so depressing,” they tell me. “It always has to be the sob story, the struggle story, and it’s never about the joy. And this is with all my identities—as a lesbian, as an autistic person. I care about seeing the joy of being in these communities and these identities. It’s very important to me that I represent these lives truthfully, because I try to live as truthfully as possible, and I want to be represented as truthfully as possible. I want joy—that’s what it really comes down to. I want queer joy, I want trans joy, I want autistic joy.”

While there have been some portrayals of people on the autism spectrum on Broadway and in Hollywood, many have been inaccurate and offensive (Hayley bristles when I mention Dustin Hoffman’s performance in Rain Man, which for many has come to be as frowned-upon as Mickey Rooney’s caricature of a Japanese man in Breakfast at Tiffany’s). Still, some have done their part to fight societal stigmas about autism, and Hayley acknowledges the advancement of some successful storytelling—but notes that there’s still a long way to go, especially when it comes to intersectionality.

“I wrote For Leonora, or, Companions as a response to The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime, which is still one of my favorite pieces of theatre literature. It was one of the first times I was like, ‘wow, an autistic character. That’s cool.’ [The autistic character is] still a boy, and they’re white, and they’re cisgender. And they’re a lot more math- and science- and STEM-focused—this is what the media thinks autistic people are. But it was still the first time I had really read anything that at least felt kind of accurate.

“And most of the people who play [the main character] Christopher are neurotypical. Thank god, Mickey Rowe—who is autistic—has played the role multiple times, and I think is playing the role again fairly soon.”

The conversation regarding inclusive casting often revolves around race and ethnicity, overlooking entire groups of people—including people who are neurodivergent. Hayley wants that to change, and they fight for it in their work.  

“I care about authentic casting for everything. I want to see fully integrated disability rep, queer rep—everything. When it comes to neurodivergent characters, have neurodivergent actors play the roles, because otherwise it’s just offensive.

“When I wrote For Leonora, or, Companions, I was dead set on having the actor playing Nora—the main character, who is autistic—I wanted an autistic actor in the role. [For the reading] we got Lillian Carrier, who is actually autistic—she’s one of two autistic characters on Everything’s Gonna Be Okay on Freeform. She’s wonderful, and she’s a big advocate for authentic autistic rep in the media. That show was the first time I felt accurately represented by a TV series—really any media—because [she’s] an autistic character who’s played by an autistic actress…also, the character’s a lesbian. We never get to see queer autistic characters. So representation is getting better.

“It’s also just nice to see neurodivergent people playing neurotypical roles. The one I think of immediately is Anthony Hopkins—he’s on the autism spectrum. And Daryl Hannah’s been open about it. But yeah, Hopkins was diagnosed later in life. A lot of people don’t actually get diagnosed until later in life, because society has made us so good at masking.

“For most of my life, I was so good at masking—I just thought I had really high-functioning ADHD. I thought all kids in my generation were bad at social stuff.

“I’m on the cusp of the Millennials and the Zennials. We’re more open about [mental health], and we care about taking care of each other and not stigmatizing it.”

I ask Hayley if they think there’s anything about existence on the autism spectrum that lends itself to playwriting, or to artistic creation in general.

“The thing is, it’s a spectrum, and every autistic person sees and interprets the world differently. There are very artistic autistic people and very STEM-oriented autistic people. And sometimes there can be a mix of both.

“I was diagnosed when I was very young. I guess my parents were dropping hints, but I didn’t really take them. I went to public school and had an IEP, but I just thought everybody did that. I was more open about it by the end of high school, when I was taking AP psychology and had to study autism.

“Once I got to college, I was like, ‘I can be as open about this as I want. This is a new start; this is my new life.’ And I never looked back.

“I just sort of accepted it as who I am. And I’ve always been very open and proud of who I am.”

While Hayley has been able to stay motivated during the pandemic, they acknowledge the many difficulties brought on by a year in near-isolation.

“The pandemic has very much destroyed my social life as I know it,” they say. “It’s very, very stressful for me as someone who is autistic and likes being very social. I don’t love change, and this is so much change at once. It’s bad—my filter is getting worse and the pandemic has made me regress a lot. And sometimes I do get back into that masking and it’s very uncomfortable, because it’s not what I want to be; I want to be open. So the pandemic has taken a toll.

“Theatre is my safe space. It’s where I feel most welcome. For me, theatre is not just an experience—it’s a social event. Most of my social life since I moved to New York was through all the friends I’ve made from going to theatre.

“I miss being able to go to shows, I miss being able to go hang in the lobby, get a drink, talk to my friends, talk to the merch people, talk to the ushers that I knew—I knew everybody at the St. James because of Something Rotten. I took my pen name after the theater because I was like, ‘this is my home; I’m going to name myself after it.’

“Theatre gave me a social life. And without theatre, I have no social life.”

Luckily, the past year hasn’t been entirely fruitless for Hayley—they’ve been able to keep writing and learning.

“I’m taking a couple of classes online, through Zoom. It’s chill. And I’m writing. I’ve been doing a ’28 Plays Later’ challenge; I have to write a new play every day. It’s been either really fun or absolute hell on Earth.

“I plan on moving back to New York by the end of August. My goal for the end of this year—if theatre comes back by the end of this year—if not a production, I want at least two or three readings. That’s what I really want. A big goal is [a production] onstage, even with limited seating.”

I ask Hayley if there’s anything else they’d like to add—and they provide words of comfort.

“We’re a community and we get through things together. We support each other, look out for each other, check in on each other.

“We don’t know when full normalcy will ever come back. But we’re getting there. And so there is hope. But I just say, take comfort in the fact that we’re slowly making progress. Wear a mask, get vaccines as soon as y’all can. Because the sooner everybody can get vaccinated, the sooner we can reopen.

“Really just take care of each other and listen to science. That’s all I have to say.

“And if anyone who’s reading out there is a producer, I don’t want to be a shill, but I’m on New Play Exchange—please produce me.” ↓